The Olympics are an addiction. The good kind.

Posted by Adam Hart August 18, 2008 at 1:47 am

You know, like running, volunteering and women. Like doing your homework, religion and funnyordie.com. Like training dogs, barstoolsports.com and looking on the bright side. Even wearing your hate blockers would qualify. But that’s about it for the good addictions. The rest are evil. Here’s what makes the Olympic Games such a healthy obsession:

Triggering My Memory

Whenever someone says “U.S. Olympians”, all my mind thinks is “U.S. Americans“. It gets me every time. Luckily, the IOC is all about the promotion of maps in educational systems across the globe. You know, to help the Iraq and the Asian countries… such as.

Lack of PEDs

No, not feet. Performance Enhancing Drugs. If it were up to me, everything in that category would be referred to as ’steroids’ to save my tongue the extra work. But it’s not up to me. It’s up to scientists. Anyway, does anyone notice anything particularly strange about the U.S. Track & Field team so far in these games? Anything at all? Yeah, it’s that they are stinking up the joint. I don’t understand why they didn’t train like Marion Jones used to train. That girl knew how to win.

Olympic Style Breakfasts

Worldwide Domination

Yeah, I’m talking about you, Michael Phelps. Never one to enjoy swimming, I actually got into his Race for 8. Every twist and turn was exhilarating. From beating those stinky Frenchmen, to finishing strong in the 100m Butterfly, to swimming with water in his goggles. Apparently that is a huge disadvantage. I wouldn’t know, because I am blind as a bat. So the water is blurry to me goggles or no goggles. Still, Phelps’ 8 medals will be remembered by all who watched.

Not Paying Attention to the LLWS

I hate the Little League World Series. I really do. You see one of those behemoths out there on the mound dominating other teams.

It’s one thing to actually play in the games, etc., etc. But watching that stuff on TV is painful. Don’t worry Shelton. I still like you. You are the home of my beloved Wiffle Ball. I just want to know what kind of Wiff player gives away his secrets?

Having A Heart

If you read this and don’t feel for Alicia Sacramone, you should be deported. And not to a nice place.

(Photo credit US Presswire via LA Times)

More!

We still have more events coming our way. More days filled with obscure sports. I will be sad when these Olympics are gone. But, for now, I am just going to keep riding this wave of goodness. Join me, friends.