Running Blog: We’re Screwed

Posted by Adam Hart September 8, 2008 at 4:30 am

It’s been a long summer filled with candy bars, beers and slothful behavior. Since the Celtics won their championship, I have done little-to-no running blogs. That trend ends today. It’s the opening of the 2008 Season for the New England Patriots, and we are hitting the ground running…

12:59 Walking into NECN headquarters just in the knick of time. I woke up at 11:30, barely giving me enough minutes to get clean, out of the house and to NECN before the Pats’ 1 o’clock start. I ended up getting out of the starting blocks slow, leaving about 10 minutes too late — based on previous travel times. But much like Usain Bolt, I hit the turbo boosters and surprised everyone with an impressive finish:

I always wished I had an English announcer to narrate my day. Imagine me getting into a fight: “And Hart looks confident… Ooooohhhh! He steps into this one and lands a furious punch… Hart has a firecracker on his fist!” Although, it would most likely sound more like this: “Oooh! The pummeling Hart takes here is inhumane!”

1:06 Chris Hanson punts it away after the Pats opening drive stalls. Not one handoff to Laurence Maroney. But Brandon Flowers, my 2008 NFL Draft binky, runs into Hanson, giving the Pats a first down. To Catch A Poor Special Teamer. My favorite part of Dateline’s Chris Hansen is when he reads the perverted text from those predator chats. It’s just funny the way he reads it: “Which positions have you tried? …Do you know how to ride?”

1:07 Tom Brady makes a nice completion to Randy Moss. NECN sports producer Dave Green is cutting the Pats highlights today. He chimes in with, “Brady just surpassed Matt Cassel’s entire preseason total for passing yards.” It’s probably true. Cassel was brutal. I’d rather listen to Kevin Costner’s heinous Boston accent in Thirteen Days than watch Cassel play quarterback.

1:09 Wes Welker gets stripped and the Pats lose possession of the ball. Great. How is Brady supposed to break 50 TDs when he’s losing valuable possessions like this?

1:13 Underwhelming camera work on both punts thus far. It appears to be a struggle to follow the ball from the punter’s foot to it’s landing location. Remind me to never go skeet shooting with a CBS cameraman. No, not that type of skeet shooting. You sick S.O.B. …..Although, that’s also off-limits.

1:14 How does anyone think those Coors Light fake press conference commercials are any good? Not funny. Not funny at all. The “average Joe’s” act like they’re hilarious. I mean, I laugh at my not-funny jokes when I’m drunk, too. But just leave it alone. “Those guys are toast.” Dennis Green’s rant is funny on its own. They’re stretching the humor too thin. They’re over-milking the cow.

1:16 First big handoff to Maroney. Love it. 1,200 yards this year. I’m calling it right now (mainly because he’s on my fantasy team).

1:20 Mother of pearl. Moss fumbles the ball after catching an underthrown ball. More importantly, Brady was wrapped up below the knee by Bernard Pollard, and is down clutching his leg. Not good. He is helped off the field, limping into the locker room. Paul Pierce, anyone?

1:30 The Chiefs fail to score on the turnover and punt it. Welker allows it to bounce and the ball is downed on the 2. Brady is out, so it’s Cassel-time… With his back to the end zone. This will end well.

1:33 CBS just cut away to show Brett Favre’s first TD pass with the Jets. May I remind everyone — they’re playing the Dolphins. The coverage on Jerricho Cotchery was horrendous. The ball was underthrown and the closest Dolphin still couldn’t break up the pass. But, he can walk without a limp right now. He’s got one-up on Brady.

1:37 “And there’s the biggest pass of Cassel’s professional career by a wiiiiiiide margin,” says Dan Dierdorf. Cassel tosses it up to an open Randy Moss for a 51-yard gain. On the replay, you can see the ball land in Moss’s hands, and then a second later Patrick Surtain looks back for it. A little behind the ball, Pat.

1:48 98 yards without Brady, and Cassell finds Moss in the back of the end zone for the touchdown. Moss goes up and gets it, touching both feet down in bounds before being knocked out. Pats up 7-0. And, more importantly, Patriots fans have only one foot on the ledge now.

1:59 Chris Hanson booms a 70-yard punt. Spectacular. If 70-yard punts were worth points, I’d be excited.

2:06 The Chiefs blow up the flea-flicker attempt by Cassel and Maroney. If I were an NFL offensive coordinator, I’d run then on every play. Heck, if I were a Pee Wee offensive coordinator, I’d run this on every play.

2:08 Yeah, Cassel is not looking so great on this drive. Which is less of a drive, and more of a 3-and-out.

2:10 Doogie Howser, M.D. is in Bob Kraft’s luxury box. What’s he doing up there? He should be down in the trainer’s room taking a look at Brady’s leg. For God’s sake, he used to be a doctor for pretend! The Patriots need all hands on deck.

2:17 Thinking about doing next week’s running blog from the CBS Scene at Patriot Place, since Greg Gumbel seems to think that is the most important part of this game — not the fact that Tom Brady, 2008 NFL MVP and professional dreamboat, has been listed as questionable to return by the Pats, which means there is no shot he’s coming back in this game. If I were to running blog from the CBSS@PP, I could offer food critiques, a profile piece on their giant television, a grading of the female scene… Although, NECN would probably choose to send Billy Costa and the TV Diner crew down there instead. Maybe I’ll go incognito. Yeah, that would get me great service.

2:20 Nick Novak kicks a field goal for the Chiefs. Pats up 7-3 with :17 to go in the half. They could use a kick return for a TD right about now.

2:21 Matthew Slater instead decides to muff the kickoff, Sammy Morris recovers. I think he was drafted as a special teams standout…

HALFTIME:

Some stats to make you think analytically:

Matt Cassel: 6-of-9 passing, 84 yards, 1 TD, 66.7 completion %

Tom Brady: 7-of-11 passing, 76 yards, 0 TD, 63.6 completion %

Randy Moss: 5 receptions, 111 yards, 1 TD

Jerod Mayo: 5 tackles

Larry Johnson: 11 rushes, 31 yards, 2.8 average

– I haven’t heard it today, but they always said it last year on CBS broadcasts: America’s most watched network. What, are old people the only ones watching TV nowadays? Their programming sucks.

– Thankfully, we’re allowed a grand tour of the CBS Scene! My prayers are answered. I don’t care what type of “synergy” these two work out, the Patriots will continue to get the shaft from Shannon Sharpe. I wish I could take speaking lessons from him. He’s so eloquent.

2ND HALF:

2:37 The force-feeding continues. The CBS Scene tastes gross, in terms of television coverage.

2:41 The Patriots defense is relenting, allowing the Chiefs to pick up a few first downs to open the 2nd half.

2:43 Adalius Thomas sacks Brodie Croyle on 3rd down to end the drive. Croyle exits the field cluthing his arm. That’s what I’m talking about.

2:54 Sammy Morris runs in from 5-yards out for the touchdown. Where is Maroney? This is my first year of fantasy football, and I need him to get some more touches. He better own the 4th quarter. Pats up 14-3.

2:58 Damon Huard takes over under center for the Chiefs, as Croyle looks to have hurt his arm on the Adalius Thomas sack. If only that hurt the Chiefs as much as Brady’s injury hurts the Patriots. It actually helps them. Brodie Croyle sucks. …Of course he sucks. He’s from Alabama. That guy from SI.com is actually pretty funny, though — the guy in the video.

3:06 Huard marches KC down the field and hits Dwyane Bowe in the end zone for 6. Pats up 14-10. New England will need another TD to win this one. Huard is a scoring machine.

3:09 47-yard kick return by Ellis Hobbs. When he is without a sports hernia, Hobbs is the best returner the Pats have. He might be my favorite secondary player, as well. By the way, Hank Poteat was released by the Jets this preseason. What are the chances he ends up in New England before the season is out?

3:12 Cassel can’t get anything done, and goes 3-and-out. The Pats are forced to punt. I want Brady back. When will he quit faking this injury and return to the field? Paul Pierce was much quicker.

3:17 After the Chiefs go 3-and-out, Deltha O’Neal is back to return the punt. But he dances his way to a 2 or 3 yard gain. Not impressed.

3:23 It’s like I called it! After the Pats return the favor by going 3-and-out, Ellis Hobbs picks off Huard’s throw. The Pats are assessed a 15 yard penalty for unecessary roughness. Whatever. We got the ball! Now if there was only a way to keep him healthy like this for the entire season.

3:38 Stephen Gostkowski gets on the board, putting the Pats up 17-10 with a 37-yard field goal.

3:42 Huard is fearless, standing in the pocket after getting sacked and taking another hit, this time hitting Devard Darling for a huge 68-yard gain. He finally gets dragged down at the New England 5. Ut-oh. Blown coverage on the play by Brandon Merriweather and James Sanders.

3:44 :53 seconds remaining, 1st and goal. The Pats defense calls a timeout before the play goes off. If they make the stand here, they’ll be lucky. I have no doubt that Huard can pick this defense apart.

3:45 Dwayne Bowe just plain old drops this pass attempt. Huard found him open in the front corner of the end zone, but Bowe claps his hands together rather than catching the ball. That should have been it.

3:46 Pats call their last timeout with :50 to go. Belichick has taken control.

3:47 2nd and goal. Larry Johnson is wrapped up at the line of scrimmage by the rejuvenated Richard Seymour. This D-Line has stood up to the run all day long. For all their efforts, there is little to show for it from the offensive end. I just can’t help but think this was a horrendous play call.

3:48 3rd and goal. Incomplete pass by Huard, nearly picked off by Merriweather. It would have been a tough catch, but he still has stone hands. And stomp-proficient feet, too.

3:49 4th and goal. Alright. This is it…….. Incomplete pass! Bowe defended by O’Neal. Deltha gave every ounce he had to that play, blanketing Bowe like I would Marisa Miller. Deltha saves the day. The Pats walk off with the 17-10 steal of a victory over the Chiefs. It’s not a great feeling, that some have called the Chiefs the worst team in the NFL this season and they played the Pats so tightly. Brady come back.

END OF GAME

So here are the stats of importance:

Matt Cassel: 13-of-18 passing, 152 yards, 1 TD, 72.2 completion %

Sammy Morris/Laurence Maroney: 20 rushes, 104 yards, 1 TD (on second thought, not-1,200 yards for Maroney)

Randy Moss: 6 receptions, 116 yards, 1 TD

Mike Vrabel: 2.0 sacks

Ellis Hobbs: 1 interception, 1 sack

******

You all knew it was coming. The news — just hours after the game — that Tom Brady will reportedly miss the season with a torn ACL in his left knee. The injury is one of those “worse case scenario” deals. Mike Giardi breaks down the Patriots chances without Brady in the best analysis I’ve seen. That’s what Mike G. brings to the table. He’s not simply a sports anchor/reporter. He also has a great background in football X’s and O’s. And maybe even other letters they use to graph football plays. “Q” would be a nice one.

Now, there are still reports that Brady will possibly return this season. I’m giving it a 99% chance that he misses all of 2008. Yes, that leaves 1%.

– You might want to watch the Brady play. Because of NFL restrictions, you can only view it on their website. Here is the link.

– Some people are calling this play dirty on the part of Bernard Pollard. He was ridden to the ground by Sammy Morris. He was wrapping up Brady’s leg. I believe in no way that Pollard was trying to hurt Brady. If you listen to Pollard and think differently, you have no soul:

I feel for him. You can hear it in his voice how bad he feels.

******

– Okay. Now Cassel is the Patriots starter, barring any changes to Brady’s status. “Tom Terrific” will be undergoing an MRI on Monday. Here are some other options, should you feel uncomfortable with Matty C. as your starter:

Chris Simms: He is visiting the Pats on Monday. After being released by the Bucs, Simms has yet to find a new home. I’ve never been high on him, going back to his days with the Texas Longhorns.

Sage Rosenfels: He backs up Matt Schaub for the Texans. But his stats are underwhelming. 15 TDs with 13 INTs in 2007? Not intriguing. Belichick hates turnovers. Even more than that, I think he would hate trading good value for poor value.

Daunte Culpepper: Gulp. I don’t like his fumblesome hands.

Jake Plummer: Yes, he is out of the NFL. Yes, it will take some MAJOR string-pulling by Scott Pioli to get him on the Patriots. And yes, I never really thought he was that great. But at least he’d give Pats fans something. Also, he seems like a cool guy in this deadspin post. Plus, you don’t think Bill Belichick could get more out of him than Mike Shanahan? BB loves a challenge. This is my favorite of the bunch.

You don’t even want to see the other options. Trust me. I looked.