Pats v Jets: A Retrospective

Posted by Adam Hart November 16, 2008 at 10:51 am

Looking back at the best game of the season, one painfully sarcastic comment at a time. Only because there is no game this Sunday and we need some New England football in our day.

♦ Glad to see the Nicaraguan children will be receiving new t-shirts for Christmas. Yup, “Camel Undefeated 11-0″ t-shirts. Those kids deserve something nice, and just in time for the holidays!

♦ Anyone have a tape of Cris Collinsworth not giving 100% on a play or two?  I’m sure Randy Moss would like to get a hold of that.

♦ According to Collinsworth, several of Brett Favre’s passes will be attending Harvard next fall on academic scholarships. That or the Guinness factory. Dang things are brilliant!

♦ Good call, Weather. Just love seeing those Patriots cheerleaders in warmup suits. You really cooperated with this one. Call me when you’re not ruining everyone’s good time.

♦ I think this game set a record for guys getting knocked in the jimbly wimblies. Somebody check with STATS Inc. on that.

♦ Here, Bill Belichick, I’ve got a video on Gary Guyton for you. You know, because Collinsworth said the Patriots don’t really know what they have with their young defensive players. Maybe you can study up and learn how to use Guyton effectively. Cris will take you through the video, I’m sure.

♦ My buddy TJ compares Jerod Mayo to Hiro for Heroes. Not because of anything that has to do with race. Simply because he’s moving across the field in the blink of an eye. Mayo is everywhere. 16 solo tackles?! Ridiculous.

♦ Randy Moss running full speed to make a block. What type of illusionist gimmicks does this NFL Network specialize in anyway? Collinsworth will get to the bottom of this.

♦ And Daniel Graham was the blocking tight end?

♦ Do you think we saw the wingnut, wombat, wildcat, whatever it’s called formation only once, because Eric Mangini knows the old addage: Fool Belichick once, shame on him; try to fool Belichick twice, and he’ll send Jerod Mayo out in coverage to put Brett Favre on his ass?

♦ How in holy hell did Dan Koppen return to this game? I thought he hyperextended his elbow or something. He’s the center — elbows are important. Well, I guess it proves once and for all that you just don’t mess with a guy who has giant mural tattoos on his arms. …Well, that’s not entirely true. Those skinny guys like Travis Barker can probably be messed with. Just look at what that plane did to him.

♦ One week closer to the return of the Brady-Moss connection (from the PatsBills runner):

3:12 Can’t say they’re not trying. Cassel misses again, this time long, on a deep pass to Moss. One of these times they’ll connect. And if not, Brady will be back in a year or so.

Cassel goes another week without hitting Moss on the long ball.  The Pats receiver must have a pool running to see when it is that Cassel finally hits Moss in stride on a bomb.  And that Week 1 pass from his own end zone doesn’t count.  The defense didn’t think Cassel could throw it more than 20 yards.

♦ But he made that amazing TD pass to Moss, tying the game with one second left! True. He made the only throw he seems comfortable making — an intermediate pass to the right sideline. And it worked. Moss made a great catch. A jaw dropping catch.  Cassel made a great throw.  No one can take that away from him.  Apparently it takes time to perfect the deep ball, though.

♦ Can’t seem to help but feel that Cassel models that very ‘out’ throw after a spear fisherman. Or a javelin thrower. He puts his entire body into it. Just like Marisa Miller does. Well, no. Not at all, actually. Cassel is nothing like Marisa Miller.  Her effort is much prettier.

♦ Brandon Meriweather’s tackling style looks earily similar to mine — just throw your body at the guy and hope he falls down. Oh, who am I kidding? I am, at best, an arm tackler. And that method is, more often than not, curtailed into the “Pretend that my foot hurts and it stopped me from catching up to the guy with the ball.” It works every time. And by works, I mean keeps me uninjured.

♦ Jay Feely kicks the game winning field goal. Really? This guy was so bad with the Giants that those SNL nerds did a skit about it. And he’s the one who won the game for the Jets? Not every squirrel is required to find a nut.

♦ My friend Matt — a Jets fan — was at this game. I was supposed to be, but something about working 16 out of 24 hours prior to the game didn’t suit a late night in Foxboro. Basically, I’m saying that my Huggies are too tight and I need to go up a size.  But not too much.  Don’t want to leave myself hanging in the breeze.

♦ Supposedly this was Troy Brown night. I don’t know if NFL Network showed any of the ceremony. I was too busy properly depositing my Chili’s buffalo chicken salad and reading the Providence Journal all the while. Their text promotes movement, I can tell you that much.

Alright, that was nice. Now it’s time to go play some pickup football and pretend that my foot hurts. Enjoy the day off from watching the Patriots. Maybe you can find something fun to do.