Haters in the House

Posted by Adam Hart November 20, 2008 at 8:34 pm

There’s nothing Magic about being biased. And to decide just how much hate is raining down on Boston’s sports teams, I will be using the mock heart rating system. The scale runs as such: No hearts for me when watching this clip of Yvonne Strahovski from Chuck, and four hearts for Peyton Manning’s offensive lineman when he’s around. Let us advance to the meat of this post…

♥ So, ESPN uses some broken formula to decide the Celtics are the 4th best team in the NBA. On what planet are the Cavs and Pistons better than the Celtics? The Green Team already disposed of both. And don’t get me started on the Lakers. You’ll hear about them later in this post. Only one heart, because at least John Hollinger tried. Too bad not every formula proves true. Like this one:

me + blogging = chicks draped all over me

See. It doesn’t work. Now, I will discard that formula, rather than base an entire rankings system on it. I know what I’m doing.  After all, I did test out of the “normal” math class in college.

(me + blogging + nerd bragging = chicks draped all over me?)

♥♥♥♥ So Antonio McDyess can just turn down a chance at winning a Championship like that, huh?:

The Celtics made their pitch and the big man let it slide on by. The early word after his trade from Detroit to Denver was that McDyess would take a buyout and return to the Pistons, and that is looking even more certain now. Ainge spoke to Andy Miller, McDyess’ representative.

“We spoke,” Ainge said, “but I didn’t get any sense that we should be optimistic about it.”

This blows my mind. He hates Boston that much that he’ll throw away a ring to return to Deeeeeeeetrroooit Bas-ket-ball? Four hearts, because that’s just a slap in the face.  A bitch slap, if you will.

♥♥♥ Quentin Richardson, fellow head bump enthusiast, feels the Celtics are all bark and no bite. Basically, he can’t stand that the young guns on the Celtics are talking trash:

“I come from a neighborhood where you can say what you want to say, but ’til you do something, it don’t mean nothing. Some of those guys are happy to get a ring, but you ain’t been in the league long enough to talk to people like that.”

I’m not sure where he comes from, but I do know this: his ex-girlfriend killed a guy. So yeah, I’d watch what I say around him.  But he still gets three hearts for not giving the Champs the respect they earned.  You can’t intimidate your way out of that.

♥♥ Well, well, well. If it isn’t Magic Johnson. And he seems to think that Kobe Bryant is better than Paul Pierce. He actually believes that, but tries to be politically correct about it:

“Kobe Bryant is the best player,” said Johnson, pausing after each word for emphasis. “Paul is right there. They’re right there together. You can’t lose. If you decide to take Paul, you’re not going to lose. If you decide to take Kobe, you’re not going to lose. But to me, when I see a guy who’s been to the Finals that many times and done it over and over and over again, there’s no denying that. The guy’s won three titles in a row, you can’t deny that.”

By Magic’s reasoning, if Danny Ainge signed Bill Russell tomorrow, he would be the best player in the league.  But wait, there’s more:

“Kobe Bryant has won three championships for a reason. Shaq [O’Neal] got us to the fourth quarter, but always Kobe Bryant closed the deal.”

Sooo… Kobe’s the best player for one quarter of the game?  Prior to last year’s Finals, Kobe posted these figures against the Celtics for his career: 24.9 PPG, 2.0 SPG, 4.9 APG (2.9 TO), 4.8 RPG, 41.2 % FG, 29.9 3PT

Every figure in that stat line is below his career average, save for steals per game.  And who do you think gets matched up against The Beef?  Paul Pierce. Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to leave out Pierce’s pre-Finals numbers against LA.  So here you go: 28.1 PPG, 1.8 SPG, 3.0 APG, 5.4 RPG, 46.4 % FG, 42.4 3PT

Yeah, The Truth drops off in steals, assists and rebounds from his career figures.  But skyrockets in points, field goal percentage and three point percentage.  In fact, all you need to do is compare each player’s numbers against the respective opposing teams.  Looks to me like Pierce is the better player.  Oh, and Magic would normally get more hearts for this.  But he’s already got HI…… nevermind. Any way you look at it, there’s no reason to pile troubles onto the guy.

♥♥♥♥ The Yankees for their fans beating a Red Sox fan in old Yankee Stadium and not taking any responsibility:

Hillios, who is suing the Yanks for the beat-down, “assumed the risk of foreseeable injury based on his own conduct,” according to a federal court filing. The team also contends that it’s “not liable for the alleged intentional conduct” of the two goons who battered the Bosox booster.

At least something like this will never happen in the new Yankee Stadium. Real, goon-like fans can’t afford to go there. Plus, Madonna will probably buy out all the seats so she can have ARod to herself.  As for the Yankees, they are awarded four hearts for having none.