A Little Bit of E’erything.

Posted by Adam Hart August 12, 2008 at 3:16 am

That means Olympics, football, Red Sox, and popular culture happenings. There is some shocking, and hurtful, information about your precious Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony. A thought on Jed Lowrie. Some legal talk over Marvin Harrison. And, of course, some sort of attractive lady link.

Oh, You Liked Them There Opening Ceremonies?
They were actually pretty great. At least, the single part that I watched — the thousands of drummers drumming in sync. It was something I expect not to be that big of a deal in China. Like, those guys probably do that same routine in Tiananmen Square on every Tuesday. But the shocking, hurtful news about these ceremonies is that the fireworks display was computer generated. At least the aerial view we saw on TV. Withleather.com brought this to my attention. But, really, they don’t look that bad on normal video.

I’m disappointed. Disappointed that the Chinese couldn’t pull off a CGI victory over Team USA in Men’s Baskteball. Heck, China could be sweeping the entire Olympic Games. They’re not using their technological superpowers to their full advantage. Sort of like Superman:

“Use my x-ray vision to check out naked chicks through the locker room wall? That would be unethical.”

“Rob a bank with my superhuman speed and strength? I could never live with myself.”

“Accept the presidential nomination and rule the world with an iron fist? Maybe if I lived in Russia.”

Sorry, Julio Lugo
But you are out of a starting job. Collect your money as you will. But Jed Lowrie is the new shortstop of the Boston Red Sox. After yet another bases loaded hit in last night’s game against the White Sox, it has become clear that Lowrie is too important to this weakened lineup to sit the bench in favor of you. Again, I’m sorry. But it’s for the best.

Did I Miss Something?
Or did nothing ever come of that Marvin Harrison situation. You know the one I’m talking about. Did that just go away? Or is Bill Polian on the Philadelphia Police Department Competition Committee, too? Is it now a rule that there will be no investigations into the involvement of an Indianapolis Colts player in a shooting? If so, that’s a good rule, Bill. Great use of your power. I’m just curious how you got the media to leave this alone as camp rolls around, but the Patriots couldn’t ditch Spygate even after losing the Super Bowl. Don’t tell me you’re on the SPJ Competition Committee, too?!

Death
You are my bitch-lover! Sorry, I just had to. The support of Secretary Cleary is hilarious, and only included in the uncut version. “You tell that mean ocean!”

Olympic Aspirations Update
Okay. I am seriously training for Men’s Team Handball. I checked out the National Governing Body’s website, and they seem to be just starting things up. I need to get in on the ground floor of this sport. The only problem is that the nearest club teams exist in New York. But, I can petition the Governing Body for a startup league in the Greater Boston area. I truly believe I could be on that National Team. It will take a lot of hard work. And it would be awesome if they let me assemble my own rag-tag group to compete in the 2012 Summer Games, like in D2: Mighty Ducks. Except, as player-coach, I would be more like that guy from Iceland. In Team Handball, anything goes. We’re playing for Gold. Not “good sportsmanship” or “pride”. Or worse, “to just have fun”.

I’m Going To Stop Talking
Because she told me to. She being Gemma Atkinson. And me being the one obliging.