There’s a Trade Deadline Coming

Posted by Adam Hart July 23, 2008 (5 weeks ago) at 3:25 pm

Batten down the hatches. It’s going to be a big one.

On Sunday, NECN Sports PA of the Century Craig Kolodny made the greatest point I’ve ever heard. Having looked at the Red Sox schedule, he described this weekend’s series against the Yankees as a catalyst for a trading binge. The team that loses this set will have only a couple days to improve before the deadline hits. As much as the schedule makers screwed the Sox in 2008, this upcoming series will be a launching pad for a great run at the trade deadline. Now we look at the potential moves for both teams. Red Sox first, because they’re actually good.

Red Sox Could Go Out and Get:

– Not JJ Putz, even though Theo inquired. Because the Mariners have said he’s off limits. ….Jerks.

– Maybe Damaso Marte. ESPN.com is reporting this about the Pirates reliever:

The Boston Red Sox have heightened their interest in Pittsburgh relief pitcher Damaso Marte according to a team source.

The Red Sox are one of a dozen teams believed to be looking to add Marte to their roster, but the Pirates are asking for two prospects in any deal for their coveted reliever, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports.

I wouldn’t mind that. He’s got 15 holds. And his name is fun to say. Plus, I’ve got two prospects the Pirates can have right here. I’m just kidding. That would be a crude trade to report. Imagine Heidi Watney being forced to give those trade details. Yes… imagine……

– Definitely George Sherrill. Reports are that Baltimore could be putting him up for sale. He’s a lefty reliever and wears his hat absurdly flat-brimmed. He has 29 saves and is holding lefties to a .163 batting average. The Sox could finally say ‘goodbye’ to Javier Lopez. I’d be happy with this move. And the O’s never make good personnel moves, so there’s no worry that the Sox would be losing out on the deal.

– Not Brian Fuentes. According to The Denver Post, they want Clay Buchholz for the lefty setup man. I like Justin Masterson more than Buchholz, but still — the price is too steep. I say, No Deal!. Exactly as that lady would.

– A young catcher? ESPN’s Buster Olney, owner of the largest NY Yankees bib in the world (to catch all the slobbering he does over the Bronx Bombers), says that Jason Varitek will feel a huge impact from the Jorge Posada injury come free agency. An impact that will see the Red Sox without their Captain come next season:

The Red Sox catcher is batting just .218 with eight homers this year, and rival executives say privately that they would be stunned if the Red Sox offered Varitek more than a one-year or two-year deal at $6 million to $8 million a year. “I’d be very surprised if he’s back with the Red Sox,” said one official.

Rival executives? Gee, wonder what team they could be from………. So even though Varitek will definitely be back next year, the Sox may want to add a younger catcher of the future as part of any deal they make. He will not be around forever.

– Not Matt Holliday. Number one, I don’t think he’s as good as advertised. Number two, I’m not sure his wife could take another beauty beatdown at the hands of Manny Ramirez’s wife, Juliana.

We don’t need the Red Sox players’ wives section to turn into a WNBA fight.

Players I Hope The Yankees Get:

Jarrod Washburn. So Hal Steinbrenner has given the word: trade away the prospects to make a run this year. So much for that policy Brian Cashman had to follow the Red Sox model of building a good farm system. And if Washburn is a serious target, I will laugh. He stinks. At least he stinks for the amount of money he’s getting paid — $9.85 million in 2009. So I say “Sell the farm” for him, Hal. And whatever you do, don’t listen to Darth Vader. Just sign the papers. You sell now, or you lose everything.

– Barry Bonds. Imagine Bonds and A-Rod racing around New York together, cheating on their significant others in competitive fashion. It would be like Wedding Crashers, but less funny. And with the stark reality of sexually transmitted diseases. Remember, wrap it up folks. (I think that counts as one of our required Public Service Announcements. I’ll have to check with NECN management.)

– Not Casey Blake. The move is rumored. And I know, his numbers are underwhelming. But he’s one of those guys like Scott Brosius or Charlie Hayes who will go on to have a couple very good years with the Yankees after having sub-par careers, just because the Yanks put HGH in their Gatorade jugs. Trust me. This move would come back to hurt the Sox next season. Guaranteed.

Okay, I’m done with this. The only thing I’m looking forward to more than this Sox/Yankees series is the opening of Step Brothers. The USA Network is clearly building up to Friday’s opening by showing Elf today, which I am watching. Don’t try to tell me you aren’t excited for Step Brothers. Because then I’ll know that you sit on a throne of lies.

P.S. Sometimes I wish I were adopted, so that I could hunt down my real dad and sing him this song, word for word.